Humor: funny stories and jokes

[master-x]

You are welcome to post different amusing stories and jokes here according to the subject-matter of the site.

here is a spicy story from my mailbox :-)

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the
midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.
"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies.
"O.K. Do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife.
"No, no boyfriend either."
"Do you have a partner then?"
"No, I'm not attached; I'll be having my baby on my own."
After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman,
"You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see
her that the baby is black".
"Well," replies the girl, "I was very down on my luck, with no money
and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a porno movie.
The lead man was black."
"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my
business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions
but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."
"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see the co-star in the movie was
this Swedish guy."
"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business
either and I hate to pry further but your baby also has slanted eyes."
"Yes," continues the girl, "there was a little Chinese man also in the
movie, I really had no choice."
At this, the midwife again apologizes, collects the baby and presents
her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the butt.
The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Thank god for that!"
"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.
"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that
it was going to bark."

[skillas44]

that is funny as hell!!

A man was going down the street of the city he lived in. He was known to be a big perv always looking for some ass. He walked around until he saw a woman he thought was sexy and said "Tickle your ass with a feather?" the woman exclaimed "WHAT?!" the man acted quickly and changed what he said to "extrordinary nice weather?" the woman just looked at him wierd and said "ummm... yeah sure". He then saw another girl and asked the same question "Tickle your ass with a feather?" she screamed " WHAT?!" and corrected himself again, "extrodinary nice weather?" she said "oh, yeah sure". But there was a drunk nearby, who saw the whole thing and asked what he was doing. The perv replied "I came up with this trick, I asked he girl if I could tickle her ass with a feather and when she says 'WHAT?!' you quickly change your wording. The drunk man thought about for a minute and thought 'what the hell?'. He walked to the nearest girl and said "Can I shove a feather up your ass?" when the woman screamed "WHAT?!" the drunk replied: "Look at the fucking clouds"!!

LOL!

A young woman goes to church to confess her sins to the priest.
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."
"Tell all of your sins, my daughter."
"Oh, Father, last night my boyfriend made hot, passionate love to me seven times," she says.
The priest thinks about this long and hard and says, "Take seven lemons and squeeze the juice into a tall glass and drink it."
"Will this cleanse my soul of my sins?"
"No," the priest says, "but it'll wipe that smile off your face!"

Hope you'll like it :-)

[oregonswinger]

I think this joke is rather old... nevertheless, it's worth reading

A husband and a wife are waiting at the bus stop, and with them are their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find that it overloaded and only the wife and nine kids are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.

After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk and says to him: "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that sound is driving me nuts!"

The blind man replies: "if you would've put rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up!"

[hijokai]

One day mom was cleaning her son's room and under the bed, she found a bondage Sadism/Masochism magazine. This was highly upsetting for her.

She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him.

He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.

She finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?"

Dad looked at her and said, "Well, I don't think you should spank him."

:-DDD

this joke is the most excellent one!!! LOL

that joke is top quality. good stuff!

An older man had met a younger woman, but unfortunately he was unable to last very long before he would orgasm during sex. A caring man, he was concerned that he was disappointing his new lover, so he called his doctor for advice.

The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."

He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.

Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"

He heard, "This is the police. What the hell are you doing?"

The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."

The cop says, "Well, you better check your brakes too, because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago.

[oregonswinger]

Such a wonder and vivid joke. A really good one!