My favorite misogynist jokes

[funmonger]

Q. Why do only 10% of women go to heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be hell.

Q. Why did God invent the yeast infection?
A. So women know what it feels like to live with an annoying cunt.

Q. Why are hangovers better than women?
A. Hangovers will go away.

Q. Why did God give men penises?
A. So we'd always have at least one way to shut a woman up!

Q. Why is a woman like a dog turd?
A. The older it is, the easier it is to pick up.

Q. What's the difference between a woman and a toilet?
A. A toilet doesn't follow you around once you've used it.

Q. Why are women like screen doors?
A. Once they get banged a few times, they loosen up.

Q. How many men does it take to fix the vacuum cleaner??
A. Why the fuck should we fix it, we don't use the damn thing!

Q. What's the most active muscle in a woman?
A. The penis.

Q. How are women like parking spaces?
A. The best ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.

Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A. They can't stand to see a man having a good time.

Q. What are the three reasons that make anal sex better than vaginal sex?
A. It's warmer, it's tighter, and it's more degrading to the woman.

Q. What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A. You can unscrew a light bulb.

Q. Why do women have periods?
A. Because they deserve them.

Q. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
A. Made her chain too long.

Q. How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

Q. What do you do when the dishwasher won't work?
A. Kick her.

Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.

Q. Why did God create lesbians?
A. So feminists couldn't breed.

Q. Why do women fake their orgasms?
A. Because they think we care.

Q. How many men does it take to open a beer?
A. None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to you.

Q. What's the worst part of getting a sex change from male to female?
A. When they take out the brain.

Q. Why don't women's guts fall out of their cunts?
A. Because of the vacuum in their heads.

Q. Why are hurricanes named after women?
A. When they come its warm and wet... when they go they take your house and car with them.

Q. Why did God put women's two holes so close together?
A. In case you miss.

Q. What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
A. Pregnant.