My wife is an angel
 

"My wife is an angel."
"Lucky you. Mine's still alive."

A little boy was in his room playing with himself, when his father walked in.
"Son! If you masturbate too much, you're gonna go blind!"
"Dad," the boy said, "I'm over here."

"If you could cook," said the husband, "we could fire the chef."
"If you could screw," replied the wife, "we could fire the driver."