The various uses of vaseline
 

A local reporter was interviewing locals about the various uses of vaseline. He knocked on a door, and a man answered in his bathrobe.
"Sir, could you tell me what you use vaseline for?"
"Hm... well, dry lips, dry skin, and, of course, sex."
"Sex?"
"Well, me and the missus put a little vaseline on the doorknob..."
"Yeah?"
"And it keeps the kids out."