Heaven clocks
 

There was this guy named John that went to heaven. He looked around and saw millions of clocks, some were slow and some were fast. He went to God to ask a question.
"What's the deal with all these clocks?" John asked.
"Well," said God, "these clocks tell how much a person masturbates."
"Well, where's my clock?" asked John.
"It's in the office," replied God. "We use it as a fan."