The good, the bad and the ugly
 

Good: You agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find the condoms
Ugly: Your daughter has them.

G: Your son spends a lot of time in his room.
B: You find porn movies under his bed.
U: Your in them.

G: Your husband follows the latest fashions.
B: He's a transvestite.
U: He looks better than you.

G: Your sons maturing.
B: He's involved with the woman next door.
U: So are you.

G: You explain sex to your daughter.
B: She keeps interrupting.
U: And correcting you.

G: Your wife isn't talking to you.
B: She wants a divorce.
U: She's a lawyer.

G: Your son is dating someone new.
B: It's a man.
U: It's your best friend.

G: Your wife is pregnant.
B: It's triplets.
U: You had a vasectomy four years ago.